Why I Don’t Care About The Warriors’ Victory

A Family Enthusiastically Watching A Basketball Game

The first thing I want to say is I’m Abraham Woodliff, not Stuart. If you’re mad about my stance, send the hate to me. Stuart’s innocent. Now that I’ve gotten that out of the way, I can say this: I don’t give a fuck about sports in the sense of regional teams. Which means, I don’t give a fuck about the Golden State Warriors. I do understand that in terms of athletic performance, the people who end up in the NBA are truly special. The worst player in the NBA is an absolute beast compared to the best basketball player you know in real life, unless they’re in the NBA, but I kind of doubt that.

Your city didn’t win anything. A group of highly paid athletic mercenaries did, dipshit.

I get why people admire Steph Curry. He’s a fucking beast. I get why people admire Michael Jordan, or Lebron James or any other pro athlete. They make the impossible look easy. I can’t shoot a basketball into a hoop from 10 states away, but Curry can. That makes sense. What doesn’t make sense is deriving pride from a group of people who aren’t even from the place they’re supposed to be representing being good at something. If the Golden State Warriors were all from the Bay and they beat a group of athletes from Boston, I’d get the regional pride, but they’re fucking not. They’re a bunch of dudes chasing checks who end up where they end up. Steph Curry is from Ohio. He’s the face of Bay Area sports. Lebron is also from Ohio and went to play for Miami for a while. Your city didn’t win anything. A group of highly paid athletic mercenaries did, dipshit.

You think I don’t love The Bay, but I do. I just don’t like when rich people exploit regional sentimentality for a buck, and that’s all professional sports is

You know who else won? The rich. That’s right. Sports arenas (not Chase Center, it was privately financed) are usually financed with public money. So basically a guy gets to own a sports team, make a shit ton of money on them and then has a city pay for the construction of where they play and make off with a giant check. On top of that, they rarely pay their fair share in taxes. The Warriors, who you know, love the Bay and give a shit about San Francisco, were working to get their property taxes cut during the pandemic when the city needed the tax revenue most.

What I’m saying is they don’t give a shit about you. Now, there are cases where they do. Marshawn Lynch gives a fuck about Oakland and joined the Oakland Raiders before they moved to Vegas. No one can question Marshawn’s love for Oakland. But I can question the Raiders as an institution. Why did they move to Vegas? Because Oakland wouldn’t let Mark Davis, a man whose money can’t afford a single competent barber, get a new stadium on the taxpayers dime. The Raiders were still able to get a ton of money out of Oakland and Alameda County.

I know what you’re thinking. You think I don’t love The Bay, but I do. I just don’t like when rich people exploit regional sentimentality for a buck, and that’s all professional sports is. We even made college sports into a thing. No one fucking does that. And you want to know the best part? The players, who built an industry worth billions, weren’t allowed to get paid until 2021 after heavy scrutiny.

So next time you get upset about your team losing or excited about your team winning, just remember this: the people who you’re rooting for are just incredibly talented athletes who have no connection to your city. They’re just paid a lot to sweat in a shirt with your city’s name on it.

Maybe stop killing each other in parking lots over a billionaire’s plot to use sweaty demigods to sell you hats, jerseys and beer.

Just a thought

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